Relationship with husband change after marriage?

My husband and I have been together for a long time. He has always been very easy going and never shows any resentment or stay mad at me. he always in the ready to make up mode, when I am upset, but never the one to get upset first.

Well, we just have a newborn, and now I noticed he doesn't even kiss me goodbye in the morning when he goes to work, and he seen upset (cold war or something) at me for a whole day over something that is so minor. We've been together for over a decade and this never happened before. I wonder if the is typical and does it get better or worst over time? Is it that once a baby is born you kinda stop loving each other? We don't even say I love you anymore, when we used to say it all the time.

  1. K_Cush731 year ago

    Having a new baby is hard on every relationship. It was very hard on mine, but we got through it. Communication is everything. Ask him how he's feeling, then open up to him about your feelings as well. I find, with my husband, that if I make him feel like things are about him, rather than all about the kids and me and our needs, I always gets a better result. So try to keep that in mind even when your doing simple things like asking what he wants for dinner. Make time for him when the baby is sleeping. No matter how tired and crappy you feel, give you're man some attention. For 10 years the person who come first in your life was him, now that's not the case anymore, and there's nothing he can do about it. Men are simple most of the time, and quite often not in tune with their emotions. He may be thinking and feeling things, and not have any clue why. Because it's not really logical to feel jealous of a newborn getting all his mothers love and attention.... just try to do your best to make sure there's a little of that for him to and see if you get a response.
    Good Luck!

    P.S. No a baby entering the relationship doesn't make you stop loving each other. It does change things, but don't fight the change. Embrace it and it will make you stronger.

  2. Olga Cooper1 year ago

    I know what you mean. I had a baby in November. My husband was horrible, I was even thinking to move back to Germany. He said he hates our daughter. But with time it got better and better. Now he loves her. He is always telling us how much he misses us when he is at work. He spends time with us and our relationship is back on track. I think my husband was scared that his live changed so much. It was for 5 years just us two, he got all the attention. We did what we wanted, slept when we wanted and how long we wanted. Now the baby sets the rules. I agree with K_Cush73 you need to find some time to spend with your husband. I is hard but that is what he probably needs. And stop talking about the baby all the time!

  3. Alicia J10 months ago

    I know this is a little late to reply but I felt I really should reach out to you. The same way marriage alters your relationship (but doesn't end it), so does the addition of a family member. While pregnant, and for a while longer during post-partum our hormones are at an all-time high so sometimes we are so immersed in our own feelings as we try to figure out how to be a mom we forget that we are also a wife, or a girlfriend, or a significant other. Sleep deprivation will also have a lot to do with it. The same way you're tired and feeling crappy because of sleeplessness so is he. He may not be up feeding the child, but every time the child cries, it will disturb his sleep, too. We may get in a nap or two during the day (if the child is our only), but he doesn't have that opportunity until he gets home.

    When you're pushed to that point, sometimes the smallest things start to seem bigger. Hormonally charged, sometimes insignificant things seem to imply a problem. I suggest getting the family involved. Grandmas and Grandpas love having the little ones around. Loosen up the slack, try to figure out what you used to do for him that you let drop because of priorities. Maybe it was a favorite meal, a favorite restaurant, or an activity you used to do together. If you're not breastfeeding, or you have milk stored in the fridge, try to have a date night - take a beat, talk about whatever it is that's been pushed under the carpet because of other, more important problems. Those insignificant things, when untended, will fester.

    Sex also helps loosen the tension; some women, while pregnant are extremely sexual, while others' libido drops to the floor. The same with men, while their wives or girlfriends are pregnant, sometimes they feel a distance - they may want to have sex, but feel uncomfortable, or maybe the woman is in pain, or uncomfortable, so its no longer an option. Either way, that distance really puts pressure on the intimacy. It may not be the pinnacle of your relationship, but intimacy in all forms stems from that closeness. When you're feeling yourself again, it'll come naturally, and you'll feel close to him again.

    I also suggest trying to find activities that include the baby that aren't stressful. It's easy for a mom to bond with her child - she's been carrying him/her around for nine months, felt the growth, felt every kick and punch. You're with them all day every day. Dad needs to feel connected with the baby too.

    I hope things have worked out by now!
    Good luck!

  4. Veronica Jones10 months ago

    There are a lot of couples who feel that after the arrival of their baby their relationship change. And it is not false, it does change, it does make the partners feel that they are parents now and therefore they have a new responsibility on their shoulders. Maintaining your relationship after the baby takes a lot of energy and time and that is something which is clearly deficient now. I also had to go through the same phase wherein my husband all of a sudden became distant after our daughter was born. There was no intimacy or love and there were frequent quarrels about things which were simply irrelevant. So to cope up with that I decided to meet my therapist along with my husband. So let me share some insights with you on how you can bring your husband back on track after the baby’s arrival. When you and your partner get together and work like a team this problem will fade away before you even realize it. Involve him in your household chores, one day he can do the laundry and you take care of your kid and other day you do the laundry, let him take care of your kid. So you know keep a record and a score and this will make you feel like a team. Apart from this, have some alone time together with your partner of course. Cuddle with each other, make love, have sex and just make it like nothing has changed at all. You can either schedule the time or maybe get a nanny for your help. You can even involve the grandparents in this. They can assist you with handling the kid for some time after all they have a better experience than you.

  5. Zawadi8 months ago

    Dear AiAi,
    Your current situation tends to resonate with mine, which lasted more than three years before we got a solution. What your hubby is going through could be the Paternal Postnatal depression (PPND). PPND isn't a weakness, and you won't wish it away, this is a life change that he is now experiencing. When you undergo hormonal changes during pregnancy, men also experience hormonal changes during and after the arrival of the baby. The changes cause new dads to be subjected to depression immediately when the newborn arrives. Those hormonal fluctuations when paired with neurochemical changes taking place in the brain lead to deprivation of sleep, which combines to bring a perfect storm that you presently witness. You need to encourage your hubby to get specialized help for the sake of the family, and his health. If left untreated, the disorders may worsen and can lead to long-term consequences that may cause damage to your marriage and the entire family. The condition of your hubby has a long-term impact on the social, psychological, as well as the behavioral development of your children. It is good you have noticed that something is wrong, talk to him, and get an expert to help you access specialized treatment for your hubby.

  6. noreenwawuda2 months ago

    Hi there AiAi. Am sorry for what you are currently undergoing. I just think your husband is going through some transition. At first it was only the two of you. Now the number has increased to three. He is adjusting to the situation. I just feel you should understand him. Maybe he feels overwhelmed. He now has to work more to cater for the two of you. With a baby comes with its responsibilities. Try to bare him some consideration. You can also ease the situation., Try to be mild and gentle to him. Be more caring than before. Remember you are also busy with the child. But do not forget to create time for him. Once in a while tell him you love him. Cook his favorite meal. Do not let the child take more of your time. It seems when he treat you that way you end up giving the child more attention. This should not happen again. Balance both of them equally. Now you should teach yourself to be more romantic than him. He will later change.

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