Pregnant and feeling lost
I'm currently 19 weeks pregnant with my first child. I've had a lot of miscarriages in the past so this a a big deal for me. I feel like I should be more excited and happy glowing but instead I'm just depressed, feel lonely, lost, unwanted and repulsive. I'm unemployed and trying to get a job but nobody wants to hire an already pregnant woman. My boyfriend is also currently unemployed and looking for a job. We both live together but it feels like he would rather play on the playstation all day than do anything with me. When I complain I get told all I do is nag. I have bipolar and with the pregnancy I tend to cry a lot. I'm not on any medication for it and GPs cant do anything. I have no real friends to talk to and my family doesn't talk to me. When I do cry I get told I've nothing to cry about. I found him on POF (a dating website) which really hurt. He doesn't seem to want to cuddle me anymore and would rather wank to porn than have sex with me. Normally he is very cuddle and would do anything for me. He was so excited when we found out about the pregnancy. He says he wants me and only me and love me but lately it just doesn't feel like it. He tend to go out very late at night to look for a cigarette as we don't have the money for them. He is gone for 30 minutes but it's getting longer being 1 hour now. I told him it make me insecure and he said he is only looking for a cigarette and having some alone time that I don't need to worry. He only comes to bed early hours in the morning around 3am-5am. All I want is for him to come to bed at a normal time cuddle me. Is that too much too ask for. Am I being unrealistic and is this just all in my head. Sorry for the long post.